


sleeping patterns

by 0xff



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Gen, Light Angst, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:49:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27082936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0xff/pseuds/0xff
Summary: Sonny can’t remember the last time he slept in an actual bed, with bedsheets and blankets or a duvet.
Kudos: 9





	sleeping patterns

Sonny can’t remember the last time he slept in an actual bed, with bedsheets and blankets or a duvet. His apartment is a chaotic ensemble of garbage bags and bottles, discarded coffee cups and miscellaneous detritus that toes the line between personal belonging and actual trash. The bed is more of an obligatory piece of furniture that all households require, with its clean sheets and pristine untouched duvet. Sonny would know it still smells of fabric conditioner, if he ever were to get close enough to smell the sheets. The pillows are not quite so perfect, sometimes he takes them to lean on or sit up against on the couch, where he usually gets his rest.

When night rolls around, Sonny stares listlessly at the mattress disguised as comfort and warmth and everything nice that most everyone looks forward to at the end of a hard day’s graft. There are no tears, not even damp eyes, just a vacant gaze that eventually turns to a yawn and Sonny rolls over on the couch and falls into an uncomfortable and restless slumber. His limbs are too long and gangly to fit anywhere comfortably within the confines of the two-seater, but to him it’s still preferable to purpose built furniture.

Other times, although not as often, Sonny elects to sleep on the floor. The cushions that make his couch a couch are attached by velcro - so he peels all four of them off, and lines them up on the floor to almost the entire length of his body. He takes the pillows from his bed and puts them where he’ll rest his head, and drags some old sweaters and coats out of the closet to use as blankets. Some nights, he’ll use real blankets, but sometimes it’s just  _ too  _ bed-like. Nights on the floor are usually more restful, but Sonny doesn’t like the dreams he has on the floor. 

~

An undercover job with Rollins requires the pair of them to book rooms at a hotel as part of a longer shakedown. They take separate rooms for which Sonny is grateful, but Amanda can’t help herself from interrogating him on why he appears more nervous about sleeping arrangements than the actual task at hand. Why can’t she just leave him alone, and mind her own business? Sonny doesn’t mean to slam the door in her face at 10pm in the evening, but it feels like the bed is staring him down and he doesn’t know how to explain that he will not be sleeping in it. 

Sonny allows his gaze to wander slowly around his room. There is no couch, the room is too small. There are two pillows on the bed, and a hell of a lot of blankets. It seems his spine will not forgive him for this careless decision, but the carpeted floor will simply have to do - the best he can offer is one of the two pillows placed strategically underneath the bottom of his back. He barely sleeps, but that’s alright - he dreads to think what his dreams might have been in this unusual environment. 

Eventually, complete exhaustion takes him over and he does wander into a light dream. Nothing exciting happens. He only dreams of looking around the room, until he wakes up to Amanda’s wretched voice, chastising him for something and nothing - how incredibly courteous of her to walk into his room uninvited. 

“Did you miss the  _ giant  _ bed in the middle of the room?” She almost shouts, dragging him from the mediocre dreamscape. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Sonny thinks it’s a bit unfair of a question to ask somebody at 6am who was, prior to this moment, sleeping relatively peacefully, so he just grunts and rolls over, completely failing to hide the grimace caused by his aching bones. Amanda scowls at him for a moment longer before dropping some clothes onto the untouched bed.

“You forgot these.” She says before turning and sauntering out of the room. 

~

Rollins does not fail to relay the sleeping situation anecdote to not only their Lieutenant, but the rest of the squad too. It therefore comes as a surprise to Sonny when, where most of the squad were either laughing or making sarcastic comments, Sergeant Dodds just lightly frowns and tries his best to offer Sonny some semblance of a reassuring smile. Sonny frowns too, nodding slowly and hurriedly turning his attention back to the Very Interesting paperwork in front of him. 

Later, Dodds approaches him when the rest of the squad has scattered. 

“I often avoid sleeping in my bed, too.” Mike says, instinctively frowning as though he’s somehow sure he’s said the wrong thing. 

“Why?” Sonny can’t help himself from asking.

Mike opens and closes his mouth several times, searching for the right words. “It just reminds me of something bad.” He eventually says, backing out of any real disclosure or explanation. 

Sonny nods slowly. “Me too.”

They only get a few pleasant moments of mutual understanding in a comfortable silence filled with unasked and unanswered questions before Rollins returns with an update to their ongoing case and all thoughts of the matter are pushed to the side, probably never to be mentioned again. 

~

Sonny can’t forget what Mike practically disclosed to him. Alright, it wasn’t the most clear description and he could have just been implying the death of his childhood hamster or something dumb like that, but it sticks in his mind as he stares at the bed and the dreams he would have should he lie down and sink into the mattress. Mike had only said he sometimes avoids it, meaning, he  _ does  _ still sleep in a bed, so Sonny walks slowly up to it and pulls back the duvet. 

When he wakes up the next morning, his bones still hurt and his head feels fuzzy, and he’s not quite sure where he is. In a mild panic, he prepares to pull up his speed dial for Lieutenant Benson, until the memories of the night before gradually come back to him in pieces big enough to remind him that he collapsed into his  _ bed _ and  _ fell asleep _ .

With practically no overarching thoughts or intrusive memories, Sonny trudges around his apartment getting ready for work in a daze, existing but slightly to the left and with the feeling that he is watching someone else move his body around. During his lunch break he tells his Sergeant he slept in his bed for the first time in many years. Mike nods and congratulates him in the sincerest manner possible. They share that moment again. Mutual understanding. 


End file.
